


Lay Me Down to Rest

by Tulkika (Zairafuana)



Series: Guardian Angel [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Caretaker Dean, Cas is a little damaged, Dean's a loving boyfriend, Dean's a sweetheart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Sam, Rape Recovery, Sam takes care of his brother and their angel, Tender Dean, cockwarming needs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-13 16:24:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9132136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zairafuana/pseuds/Tulkika
Summary: In the aftermath of Castiel's rape by a monster, Dean struggles to help his lover heal. He has to fight his loss of intimacy with the damaged angel after getting a taste of the celestial being's true love. He just has to help them both survive through the recovery.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> it has finally begun. I do not know how fast it will update considering my current obsession with writing Daisy Chained but we will see. Please read and enjoy. Feel free to comment about emotions and situations you would like explored through this recovery.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Reading Angel Dust will make this story better. The first story does contain tentacle rape (It was a fill for a kink meme) but the rape/hurt stops and the recovery/comfort/emotion rollar coaster starts in chapter 5 if you want to skip ahead to see how Dean dealt with what his witnessed. in you don't want to read the fic, there's a cheatsheet below of what happened.
> 
> What happened last fic:  
> *Dean and Cas were captured by some evil monster group.  
> *They tied Dean up and forced him to watch Cas get raped by a tentacle monster.  
> *Once the creature was done, Cas untied Dean, the two met up with Sam and escaped back to the bunker.  
> *At home and during the clean up shower, Dean found out the event gave Cas the unhealthy need to hold Dean's erection in his mouth.  
> *Dean reluctantly allowed it and cleaned up his angel.  
> *After that, Dean took Cas back to Dean's room, explained how perfect Cas was and the angel shouldn't be ashamed, and then made love to Cas. And after that is where this story picks up.

It was a little after three in the morning according to the clock at his bedside. Dean’s eyes slowly fluttered open and he gave a yawn. He shifted slightly and sighed sleepily as his arms wrapped more securely about the person beside him. He cuddled close to them and hummed softly.

He loved waking up next to someone. It felt so nice, so normal. The ability to wake up beside a lover gave him the illusion that he was a normal person for a few moments. He always clung to it, clung to how that body warmth chased away the loneliness that lingered in his heart.

Unfortunately, like most times, the illusion was shattered by the truth. The truth in the dark came this time as his fingers brushed over smooth skin until they touched carved skin on his lover’s back. The touch suddenly shook him into full wakefulness.

All the memories of the previous day came crashing back. A graceless Cas being raped by that monster, the recovery and clean up in the shower afterwards, and then finally Dean making love to Cas to chase away the creature’s slimy touches.

Tears pooled in Dean’s eyes as he was assaulted by the memories. He swallowed thickly and looked down at his angel in the dark. Cas was sleeping, a bit fitfully, and clinging to Dean for comfort. Dean shut his eyes against the image and pulled the smaller male closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He nuzzled his hair and tenderly stroked his fingers along Cas’ skin. He just wanted to be able to touch him intimately one last time before he lost him to the inevitable PTSD. Even though they had made love last night, it had been a fluke. Cas had needed to know what loving sex felt like but come morning light Dean knew he would just cower away from his touch.

“I love you, Cas.” He whispers softly in the angel’s ear. The broken angel murmurs happily and snuggles against Dean’s strong chest. The hunter’s tears finally fell as he held the angel close, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.” He swallowed a strangled sob and hid his face in Cas’ hair. He desperately breathed in the clean scent of Cas and shampoo.

Why had it taken this horrific event just for them to have their first time together? Cas deserved so much more than that.

Dean dried his eyes on Cas’ hair and sighed tiredly. He pulled the sheets up, tucking them in closer around him and his angel. It did not matter if he was going to lose Cas tomorrow or not, he was determined to make him as comfortable as he could. Cas had said that the creature’s coldness had disturbed him so Dean would keep the cold away.

Ever vigilant of the angel’s needs, Dean moved the sheet down so it made a barrier between their naked skin. Once that was in place, he wrapped his arms around the angel over the sheets. He gently pressed a kiss to Cas’ bruised lips before settling down to sleep again. He was going to make this right and get his angel back, even if it took him an eternity.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean's just having a little breakdown. He'll be fine.

Dean awoke once more but at his usual time in the morning. He yawned sleepily and stretched languidly before twisting to kiss Cas’ forehead. He whispered a good morning to the sleeping angel and stroked his fingers over through the dark hair.

He had to pull himself away so that he could climb out of bed. He tucked his own half of the sheet about his sleeping lover before standing to get dressed. He cast one last sad look at Cas while slipping on some pajama pants. He left the room, intent on making breakfast for his friend.

Despite his intent, he was not sure how he ended up sitting at the kitchen table and sobbing into his hands. His heart felt fractured and his spirit downtrodden. He wanted to scoop up his angel and wake him with a long good morning kiss but knew he couldn’t.

“Dean?” The concern in Sam’s sleepy voice startled Dean’s spine into rigidness, “Are you okay?” The younger Winchester creeped forward like his brother was an emotional wounded animal. He gently pressed a large, comforting hand between Dean’s shoulder blades. Dean couldn’t stop his next sob as he shook his head.

“N-no, Sammy, I’m not.” Dean’s head sank down to rest against the table, arms coming up to hide him away from his sibling.

True to form, Sam gently rubs Dean’s back in a soothing manner. He gently shushes his brother, calming him. Sam always takes pride in the few instances when he’s the one caring for his brother rather than the other way around.

“It’s not f-fair!” Sam’s shocked as words actually escape Dean. Dean doesn’t talk about what’s bothering him, especially not if it’ll drag Sam down with him. Still, this openness is all that Sam could hope for because it means he can try to help his brother.

“What’s not fair, Dean?”

“I-I finally get to be with him and now it’s all slipping through my freakin’ fingers!” The complaint is muffled by both the table and Dean’s own sobs. Though, it’s the admission that actually throws Sam for a loop. His brother, always super straight brother, just admitted to being with a guy. Logic dictates said guy is Cas, which is understandable to Sam considering all the gazing, but it’s still strange to hear it said so openly. Once again, this openness only admits to Sam just how broken his brother feels right now.

“Why can’t you be with Cas?” He asked gently as his hand slides up so he can pull Dean into a proper comforting hug. His brother will never admit it but Sam knows that Dean adores hugs and cuddles. This is only proven by how easily Dean curls against Sam’s broader chest for comfort.

“C-can’t touch him. I-It’ll scare him now. That bastard monster r-raped him and I all I could do was lie there and watch like some sick voyeur!” Dean’s anguished cry against his collarbone and the words that are said cause Sam’s eyes to widen in horror. The younger Winchester has gone completely still now yet is still clutching his brother close, staring unfocused at the far kitchen wall. He wanted to say something, anything, but Dean kept talking.

“I-it wasn’t even that long and it warped him! I made love to him last night just to prove to him he’s still worth something.” By this point, Sam isn’t even sure if his brother realizes how much he’s saying. Dean never gives such personal information about him and Cas unless Dean was feeling utterly broken and alone.

Sam doesn’t say anything, there is nothing he can say that is good enough to respond with. Instead he just holds his big, strong brother and tenderly sooths him. He rests his chin on the smaller man’s head and comfortingly rubs his arm. He doesn’t say it’s okay or that it’ll be alright because he cannot promise such a hopeless thing to his broken protector. No, there is no level or verbal comfort he can give his brother so he just settles for physical comfort.

~*~z~*~

With a squirm of pain, internal muscles burning in agony, Cas slowly crawled back to consciousness. He whimpered sleepily at the discomfort of being internally sticky, full of left over cum both from the monster and his precious hunter. He would have no way of knowing the that chemical makeup of the creature’s release would make it difficult to rid himself of Dean’s as well.

Whining slowly at the aches and pains of his bruised body, Cas groggily opened his eyes to see the space on the bed next to him was empty. The emptiness left him feeling lonely and scared now that Dean was missing. He quaked uneasily as he sat up, sobbing at the burning ache in his damaged anus. His bottom lip quivered pitifully as he tried to ignore it by pulling the sheets up around his naked skin protectively.

“Hey, morning, Cas.” He looks up quickly at the sound of his hunter’s gravelly voice, there’s something off with it. His loneliness is gone but any smile that had started at the sight of the human carrying a tray of food has stopped, his love’s eyes are red from tears and that hurts Cas’ soul.

“D-dean.” His voice sounds so damaged from the monster’s assault on his throat. He shakily raised a hand out of the blanket to reach towards his human. Dean smiles sadly at him and comes over to kneel before the bed. The hunter places the tray before the angel and bends his head forward to press a chaste kiss to Cas’ fingertip. He pretended a piece of his heart doesn’t chip off when the angel involuntarily recoils from the skin on skin contact.

“I know you probably still feel a little queasy from yesterday,” Dean says softly, squirming as he just thinks about the amount of release Cas had been forced to swallow, “But you need to eat so you can heal and get your grace back. Sound good?” He smiled tiredly at the angel but it seemed to encourage the damaged creature before him as he watched Cas nod slowly.

“D-dean, w-what is it?” The angel asked softly as he looks down at the bowl of strange pale mush Dean has brought him to eat.

“It’s called Cream of Wheat. It looks funky but it tastes good and is great for upset tummies.” Dean explains gently as his smile brightens. He scooped up a bit and raised it towards Cas’ mouth, “Will you try some for me, Sweetheart?” The big blue eyes blink rapidly, slightly less dull than they were yesterday. Dean feels himself relax as the angel nodded in reply. He coos softly to the bruised lover as he presses the spoon into Cas’ open mouth.

Despite how rotten he feels, a little thrill flutters through Cas as the hunter feeds him. His eyes widen as the strange mush hits his tongue. It’s soft, warm, and delicious; just the tiniest bit sweet. His mouth had felt oddly empty but the strange neediness he had felt is eased each time the spoon is placed in his mouth.

“Good?” Dean asks softly, honestly curious if his broken love likes the simple food.

“It is most e-enjoyable.” Cas gives the hunter a bruised smile, pink tongue dipping out to lick up a gooey drop of the hot cereal that had landed on his lip, “T-thank you, Dean.”

“Any time, Cas.” Dean replies sweetly, using all his self-control not to lean over to capture his lover’s lips in a kiss. There will be plenty of time for kisses when Cas is better.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry updates took so long. I'll try to do better.

Sam was feeling very out of place in his own home suddenly as he paced the bunker's kitchen. He took a calming a breath before swallowing down a sip of his coffee. He was at a complete lack of insight on what to do. He had just found out that their friend had been raped by a monster, that Dean had seen the whole thing, and that now both of them were broken for different reasons. He just knew that he had to take care of them both now.

Dean was an oddly excellent figure of maternal instinct when it came to caring for loved ones that were hurt or sick, Sam knew this first-hand since childhood. It was a strange thought to say the least but one he knew was true. Sometimes while caring for Sam, Dean had acted more like a protective mother than a protective father when John wasn't around.

It always amazed Sam that his brother had seemed to take on the role of both parents while Sam was growing up. Sam would always be thankful for his brother's care and sacrifices, Dean had always given so much for Sam. Of course, Sam had not appreciated it back then but things were different now. He may not know all of the things that Dean had ever done to care for him but he did know that he needed to pay him back.

Sam knew in his heart that now was the time. This was a world-shattering time for Dean and Cas, a perfect time to show just how much Sam cared for them both. From this point forward, he was stopping all hunts until they were both on the road to their respective recovery. That being said, there were other things that Sam would also need to see to.

Dean may be excellent at caring for others but he was horrid at keeping himself together. When things got really bad, he would stop eating and start drinking himself to sleep. It killed Sam every time that happened, even when Sam was being a stick in the mud about whatever stupid thing they were fighting about. Well, Sam was not letting that happen, not this time.

His mind made up, Sam put his coffee mug down on the counter and went to the fridge. He clicked his tongue as he searched out a breakfast that would help to keep Dean's strength up. Despite his own opposition, he grabbed the package of bacon as well. There was almost nothing stronger as a comfort food for Dean than bacon. Well, besides pie, of course. But Sam drew the line at having pie for breakfast, it wasn't good for Dean's blood sugar.

~*~z~*~

“All done.” Dean said softly as he carefully wiped up spilled cereal from the corner of Cas’ mouth, “Not too bad, right?” Cas slowly nodded, hands fidgeting with the sheets.

“T-thank you, Dean.” The angel whispered as he shyly brought the sheet up to hide his scuffed up body from Dean. The hunter’s heart sunk a bit at this and felt a little rejected but shoved the feeling aside. Instead, he forced a smile.

“Welcome, Love. Now, how are you feeling?” They both knew it was a bit of a loaded question but it needed to be asked. Cas frowned and looked down, refusing to look Dean in the eye. He felt dirty again but also felt sticky and full on the inside. To make matters worse, his mouth felt empty again.

“I-I feel d-dirty.” The angel whispered and whined softly. Dean’s tear-reddened gaze grew sorrowful but he gently patted the bed semi-close to Cas’ hidden knee.

“Yeah, that’s natural, Cas. Would you like another shower? It’ll help with your sore muscles anyways.” Dean got a nod in reply from the angel, “Alright. Head over there with the sheet and I’ll bring you some clothes. You can just spend the day in your pajamas. Sound good?”

“T-thank you, Dean.”

“Not a problem.” Dean sighed softly as tears started to drip down his angel’s face. Saddened, he turned his hand palm up in case Cas wanted it. He was relieved slightly when the angel hesitantly reached but his heart sank again when Cas flinched at the skin on skin contact. He smiled sadly anyways and patted the bed again, “Get goin’. I’ll be there in a second.”

To provide a comfortable distance between them, Dean slowly stood up first and stepped away from the bed. He motioned slightly for Cas to follow him. The angel whined softly and clutched the sheet close before slowly crawling off the bed. Blue eyes locked onto Dean as the angel stiffly walked past him towards the bedroom door.

“See you soon, Cas. Go enjoy your shower.” Dean’s soft voice soothed Cas as the angel nodded slowly as he stiffly stepped out of the room.

~*~z~*~

 With Cas in the shower and a set of clean clothes waiting for him on the bathroom counter, Dean was free to slip away to be alone with his conflicted thoughts. He had wandered into the kitchen at the smell of bacon, which was odd because only he ever cooked it. He was surprised to find Sam cooking a large, and rather unhealthy looking, breakfast.

“What’cha cookin’, Sammy?” Dean asked slowly in confusion as he walked up to the counter where the finished food sat.

“Breakfast for you. Things were close to expiring and I need to go grocery shopping today anyways. So I thought I’d just cook this stuff up so it doesn’t spoil.” Sam’s reply seemed logical enough to Dean’s rattled brain, “Go sit down, Dean. It’ll be ready in a second.”

Never one to argue over a free greasy-looking meal, Dean happily did as he was told. He really did not have long to wait before a large plate of food was set down before him. It was not until that point that Dean realized how hungry he was. He had worked hard to pull himself together earlier to feed Cas but had completely forgotten about his own stomach.

“Alright, I’m going to head out to the store. You good here?” Sam inquired while setting a mug of coffee down next to Dean’s plate before taking a sip of his own coffee.

“Uh, yeah, I’m great, Sam. This looks great. Geez, you should cook junk food more often.” The praise made Sam simply snort and shake his head. He rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder and gave him a comforting squeeze before heading for the door. He needed to get away for a while to clear his head, he knew the food would keep Dean distracted for a bit while he was gone.

His plan seemed to work, Dean barely even noticed he was gone. The elder Winchester was too busy with his meal to really care. So busy in fact that he didn’t even notice a newly dressed Cas standing beside him until the angel timidly cleared his throat. Dean jumped slightly, dropped his fork, and looked up.

“Oh, Cas, hey! How was the shower?” The words were barely choked out as Dean swallowed his mouthful of food. He wiped his mouth and smiled up at his lover. Cas fidgeted slightly and hesitantly sat down in the chair next to Dean’s.

“S-somewhat helpful.”

“Well, at least it helped a little bit.” Dean trailed off slightly as he noticed that Cas was wearing one of the flannel shirts that Dean wore regularly. Surprised and a little confused, Dean decided to let it go when he saw Cas pull it close as protection against the world. Dean’s hurt heart healed a tiny fracture at the sight yet there was still something off about Cas’ attitude right now.

“Cas, what’s wrong? You need something?” Dean’s heart sunk as he watched tears spring into those dull blue eyes that refused to look at him. His stomach flipped uneasily as Cas shakily sucked two of his own fingers as way of an answer for Dean’s question. It took Dean a moment to realize what it meant, that it meant Cas had the same need he had in the shower the night before.

“Okay. Uhm, go get comfortable in my room. I’ll be there as soon as I’m done eating.” Dean felt wrong agreeing to this arrangement but it had put Cas enough at ease last night to make him fall asleep in the shower so maybe it’d be okay. He just had to make sure he locked his bedroom door.

Cas let out an apologetic whimper but Dean simply smiled at him. The hunter blew the angel a kiss as Cas slunk pitifully out of the room. Feeling uneasy now about his decision, Dean forced himself to finish his breakfast and unsteadily got up. He put his plate in the sink, drank the rest of his coffee, and headed to his room.

When he got to his room, he found Cas kneeling on a folded blanket in front the armchair that Sam had put in the room a few weeks ago. Before going to sit down, Dean grabbed his laptop and a notepad. He might as well look for work while he sat around for a while. It would give him something else to focus on besides Cas.

He walked over to the armchair and set the laptop down on the table next to it before sitting down in the chair. He got comfortable and smiled down at Cas, spreading his legs invitingly for the angel kneeling before him. Cas mewled apologetically and leaned forwards, shakily undoing the zipper of Dean’s jeans.

“It’s okay, Cas, go ahead.” Dean encouraged gently when Cas freezes and looks up at him in need. The grateful, adoring look he gets from Cas makes him feel guilty about agreeing to this. The hunter takes a deep, calming breath to settle himself down as his cock is released from the confines of his jeans. He chances a look down and instantly flushes at the peaceful look on Cas’ face when he takes Dean into his mouth.

The whole situation is rather surreal considering how the day had been going when it came to Cas. Still, he cannot deny the fact that Cas’ hot mouth feels fan-freakin’-tastic. He can’t help the groan that escapes as Cas lazily licks at his slit. Dean’s cock is quickly hardening while Cas peacefully rests his head against Dean’s inner thigh and just holds Dean’s heated cock in his mouth.

This is a horrid habit that Cas has picked up and they both know it but it’s also just about the only thing that relaxes Cas now. Dean focuses on that truth as he tries to ignore how he now has an erection, instead he focuses his attention to his laptop. He works hard to keep his hips from bucking while he desperately surfs the web for a new hunt to research to keep his mind occupied because he does not know how long Cas is going to need to be like this.


End file.
